grateful, i am.

Assalamualaikum.

the missing blogger is now back in town. hihi

So here i'm writing, distracted by this blogging thingy, makes me away from my lecture slides.

oh, ya exam is in 3 days. THREE DAYS! ok, whatever. let the story begin;

err..may i scream "ALHAMDULILLAH" as loud as i can? please, pretty please please?
Ya, Allah thanks for everything around me, good things, bad things..i believe they are tests for me to get closer to you.

As long as I live, i've never been in this feeling. the feeling of too grateful that I wanna cry badly.

I have lots of good things happen around me.

Parents that love me although they are far away from me. My sisters and my only brother. Thank you Allah for them.
Friends that I could keep. Friends that always stay with me, be the shoulder to cry on. Thank you Allah for them.

Mama2 usrah saya and Bulatan Gembira saya. weee:D those yg always witness my tears. Sorry for being emotional time2 "qordhoya". Thank you Allah for them.
My hamsters and their babies. so cute that I wanna squeeze them.

My life, that is way better than those on the streets, waiting people to give a few rupiahs. And the scholarship, education, scooter. etc etc.

Ya Allah terlalu banyak nikmat yang Allah bagi. Countless! 

 ''Dan jika kamu menghitung-hitung nikmat Allah, niscaya kamu tidak dapat menentukan jumlahnya. Sesungguhnya Allah benar-benar Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.'' (QS An Nahl [16]: 18)

I believe that you guys own so many things. maybe much much more than what I got. jom duduk sejenak and think "have we said Alhamdulillah for all those things?"

But sometimes, something went wrong, something went missing, something was taken away. 

but we feel sad badly as if everything was gone. And na'uzubillah, we blame Allah for that, questioning 'Why is this happening, why i couldn't get what I wished for? Why Allah? Why?

but Allah says 

"...boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak Mengetahui." (Al-Quran Surat Al-Baqarah Ayat 216)

Sometimes what we wished for is not beneficial for us, but we just don't know it yet.
For example, I wished I am even richer than Bill Gates, that sounds beneficial for me right? And if Allah granted my wish, oh yeaaah, I'm gonna have lots of money, I can buy this and that, I can fly to whenever I want..bla bla..
but Allah knows best. maybe if I am that rich, I would forget who I am. I would forget my Creator and that would be totally maleficient! TOTALLY! (p/s: it's just an example)

I wanna share this story, heard it from someone. About a sahabat of Rasulullah, if I'm not mistaken.
There was a ceremony back in that time. And a some kind of pudding was served, but a sahabat didn't want to eat it.

Another sahabat asked "why didn't you eat the pudding?"

The-I-dont-want-to-eat-pudding-sahabat said "I dont wanna eat it because I am afraid I won't be grateful if I had only a glass of plain water next time"
The-another-sahabat replied "Are you silly? We should be grateful for sekecil mana pun nikmat Allah"

The pudding signifies something yang WOW and the plain water, well it's just plain. The sahabat afraids that bila dia dah dapat something yang WOW, and the next time dia dapat something yang plain, he won't be grateful. That's not the way it is. Supposedly, anything yang Allah bagi, kita mesti bersyukur sebenarnya. Sekecil mana pun. Maybe now, we always sleep on the bed, but in anytime, we would need to sleep on a thin mat. Alhamdulillah, we still have place to sleep.

"I wished for a car. but I got a scooter instead. Alhamdulillah."

I'm not good at story telling, but I hope you get the point. Thank you.

midnite date with Allah.

Assalamualaikum wbt..

1) have you ever heard about qiyamullail (prayers at nite)? if you did, that's good!
2) have you ever practice it, once at least? if you did, wow..it's great!
3) do you istiqamah (consistent) in performing it? if you DO, then..alhamdulillah, you're just awesome. :)

3 little questions, and what are our answers for them?

let me give a brief definition of qiyamullail. although i know, we all had learned about it in school back then.
qiyamullail comes from qiyam; wake up for a while and lail; night.
so, the combinations bring the meanings spend a part of the night with ibadat like solat or others.


there are lots of benefits in performing qiyamullail. some of them are stated in this hadith;

He (SAW) said :“You should pray Qiyaam al-Layl, for it is the habit of the righteous people who came before you, and it will bring you closer to your Lord, expiate for bad deeds, prevent sin, and expel disease from the body.”[at-Tirmidhee and Musnad Ahmad]

What do you feel when performing qiyamullail?
taken from someone's answer;

"based on my not-too-much-experience, when i woke up at the night, i could feel the calmness, the tranquility, and i feel so tiny as a God's creation, i feel the loneliness as if i don't have anyone around but Allah.
it's just the feeling that you want to focus on your ibadah, to confess everything to Allah, to ask anything from Allah, to reminisce every mistakes you've done and the feeling that you want to ask forgiveness from Allah.
it's just the right time that you could pour all of of your tears to wet your prayer mat.
it's just the time that you want to get closer to Allah. 
it's just the midnite date of you and your Creator"

waaah, jom same-same cari feeling tuh..:)

lately, i don't know why, but this body feels too weak to wake up at night and selalu sangat tak dengar alarm. nabilah, semangat!

and, how does solat influence us?

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum!

So, as you can see the headline is about solat (prayer) and how does it influence us. As a Muslim, we all know the obligation of performing solat right? It is clearly stated in Rukun Islam, at the second point, which is right after "mengucapkan kalimah syahadah". Well, I'm not really an expert, but what I can conclude and understand from the Quran; the obligation of performing prayer is A BIG DEAL. it's not a funny business. As what i understand, it's like "setelah kita beriman kepada Allah tu, yang keduanya adalah solat". Means, prayer is the most important thing after we witness the "Keesaan Allah swt",

The question is, why do we have to perform prayer? Hurmm, let me present the direct answer, not created by me but it was told by Allah in His verses in Al-Quran. it is stated that;

"Dirikanlah sembahyang, sesungguhnya sembahyang itu mencegah dari perbuatan2 keji dan munkar. dan sesungguhnya mengingat allah (solat) adalah lebih besar keutamaanya dari ibadah2 yang lain."

(surah al-ankabut: 45)

I really like to highlight the part 'sembahyang itu mencegah dari perbuatan2 keji dan mungkar'. If everyone is concerned enough to notice what's happening around us, around the world which shocking news are everywhere. Murdereres, burglars, bad rulers, and many others. We can see that people are going mad; im not saying everyone ( if everyone, of course i'm counted) . But, worlds are going upside down with all the riots here and there. But, seeing bad things happening in Muslim countries, the big question popped out; prayers prevent us from bad doings, kan? errr..why orang yang perform solat tu still je buat jahat? For simple example, selipar stolen at mosque? Bukan ke orang-orang pergi surau nak solat? After solat tu, pergi mencuri pulak? Haaaihh!

So, where is the mistake? Nak kata tak solat, nampak je dia takbir, rukuk, sujud and all that. But, he/she acts like orang tak solat. I remember my Ustaz's answer for this kind of popular question when we were in school.

"kalau dah solat tu pun niatnya bukan kerana Allah..camne tuh? Niat to get people admiration. Performing prayers so that people will say "baiklah dia ni".
Or to prevent Mom being angry. Bunyi je enjin kereta Mak, terus lari ambil wudhu'. Solat ekspress!

If like that lah our niat, hurmmm macamane nak mencegah kemungkaran, kan? Jadinya, let's solat properly.

Salah seorang Sahabat datang kepada Rasulullah SAW dan berkata: "Wahai Rasulullah! Tolong beri 

saya nasihat yang padat tapi dapat mencapai intipati matlamat! "  Rasulullah menjawab: "Bila kamu 

solat, solatlah seolah-olah kamu akan meninggalkan dunia ini dan ianya solat terakhir bagimu! Jangan 

berkata apa-apa yang boleh menyebabkan kamu terpaksa minta maaf! Jangan berkehendakkan apa-apa 

hak kepunyaan orang lain! "

(Ibn Majah, Zuhd, 15; Ahmad bin Hambal, Musnad, V, 419) 

p/s: a reminder for all of us, especially me.

saya anti kamu

Assalamualaikum

First of all, this post is not addressed to any human. It's Ramadhan right? no hatred feeling please. :)
but it is about a little creature. well, usually i love little things like little fingers of babies, barbie's tea cups plus the garments, sweets and lollipops etc. because of their cuteness of being little. But this one, i'm sorry I couldn't give any part of my love towards it.

Well, I first met this creature in the Tom and Jerry Show. As everyone noticed, Jerry, the little creature always won in any fight with Tom, the cat. Tom is a bully, yeah I know...but Jerry is a BIG bully. *tak padan badan kecik, heh!* And, usually it was Jerry that messed with Tom first. Poor Tommm, bad Jerry!

Lucky that this little creature appeared on Mickey M**** show in a better personality. I didn't really follow this show, but this little creature played the 'good-guy' role, if I'm not mistaken. Hurmm. no comment.

Then, it was in the year 1999 or 2000 when I first met this little creature, face-to-face. I was jumping on the bed with my sister when suddenly we saw it crawling behind the closed door. And, we were screaming like crazies. Yup, like crazies. Then....I forgot what happened next.

Next, after a few years after the incident, which was in 2008 (when I was in Form 5). My dorm was at the ground floor, with my locker stood at the edge of the dorm, right next to the window. It was always filled with food at the bottom part of the locker. However, the doors of the locker couldn't be closed properly, leaving a   small passage for this little creature. And, yeah, this little creature became a regular visitor to my locker. I still remember how mean it was when it bite all boxes of my Dutch lady milk. And the next day it bite my dates. It was in Ramadhan. Im sure it is. Not only that, it bite my baju kurung, and the worse part is, I only realized the torn part while in class (prep malam) when I was wearing that baju kurung. See? Dia sangat jahat, okay!

The story of this little creature didn't stop there. In early 2010, it attacked my room in my college. It bite my bed sheet, my begs, my clothes, etc. I threw quite a number of my clothes as most of them got holes! Not only that, it peed and pooped on my bed, in my closet..see? how cruel it is!

And a few weeks ago, it attacked my kitchen in my home in Jogja. It gave holes to the plastics of the flour, scattering all the spices inside the cupboard and caused us such a great loss. Most of those spices were imported from Malaysia and they were limited. Again, it pooped. But, alhamdulillah it was busted.

A few days ago it attempted to attack again. I saw it twice, running into the kitchen. But last night, Baby saw it crawled into the kitchen again. Thanks to Baby that she set up the trap. Before midnight, it was caught and for sure, it will be sentenced to death.

And that is how "Saya Anti Kamu, Encik Tikus!"

food for a soul

Bismillah..
Assalamualaikum.

It's a beautiful Saturday. It was too beautiful that I overslept. I woke up at 7.04 am. Ashamed and shocked.
But I have reason for that. I was preparing the salad for our breakfast at 12 am/1 am so that we'll be eating the salad sejuk-sejuk on the next morning. That night, I was alone in our small kitchen, with scratching sound at the ceiling and that made me like having a recurrent heart attack. If cicak yang scratch-scratch, I don't really mind. but if it was, you know..the creature with bau-bau bacang dengan hamster but with long tail and usually grayish black in colour. Oh, my. I could cry.

So, I woke up. it was 7.04am! What I got in my mind is "hey, you kena amek gambar untuk MATTA weyhhh" and MATTA will be started at 7.30am. Oh, my! I rushed. Took bath in a rush, but completely, had breakfast (the salad), called taxi. and yadaaa at around 8 we left our Raudhah (our home)

MATTA stands for Majlis Tahfiz and Tilawah Al-Quran. But this really genius girl didn't bring her tafsir. and as been told early, there will be ceramah about Al-Quran, she once again acted like a genius by not bringing her notebook. Super genius and yup, it was me. So, I was like okay, have I really prepared myself for the ilmu? have I?

So, I listened and tried to concentrate. First, it started with Quran reciting by a tahfiz, a husband of my senior. *jealous with the newlyweds*. And then, the ceramah began. It was about Al-Quran.The main importance of Al-Quran to us. To every human. As recited in Quran,

Al-Baqarah: 2

This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah;

And, I was touched when the ustaz told us about 4 types of human confronting Al-Quran
1. Human that the light from Quran is blocked by anger
2. Human that the light from Quran is blocked by desire duniawi
3. Human that the light from Quran is neither blocked by anger nor desire.
4. Human that the light from Quran diffuse into his/her heart.

I was really touched with the 4th one which is the best one. The ustaz gave us an example. An icon. Allahyarhamah Ustazah Yoyoh. A mother with 13 children. A teacher in a few places. An a'bid that recited Quran about 3 juzu' per day. And, on 21st May, she had her last breath with the last kalimah "Laa ilaha illallah..". Not only that, 2 days before she was gone, she SMSed a few of her friends. a long one. The content is, she was doubtful with her position in the Hereafter. She compared herself with Khadijah, Aisyah', Ummu Sulaim, Asma' Abu Bakar. Those were the among greatest Sahabiahs of Rasulullah. She felt very tiny compared to them. But, subhanallah, she met her ajal with the holy words. The 'kesaksian' Laa ilaha illallah.." and during reciting Quran.

I compared myself with her. I haven't recited Quran as much as her. I haven't been to anywhere to give ilmu to other people. I haven't had enough ilmu too. I haven't had enough amal for the counting day. And what if it's the time for malaikat maut to take my live, have I well-prepared?

homemade cappucino avec whipped cream

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum:)

presenting you.....*drum rolls!*

i look at her picture and i cry.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

she was sick. i knew.it was cancer, stage 4. 

radiotherapy, done. chemotherapy, done.
she was in pain like the other people who is in the middle of chemotherapy.
she lost her appetite, made her lost some weight.
she lost her hair, made her head bald. she couldn't walk as her leg was in pain. the cancer had spread all over her body.

she was taken care by my aunt all the time. only when she was taken by Ayah to be treated traditionally in Selangor, i took care of her for about 4 days.
she liked to tell story, about Ayah's childhood. About her sadness. 4 days later she went back to my aunt's home.


I went to Yogyakarta in August and when it was Raya holidays in September, i went back to Malaysia.
She was thin or maybe skinny. 1st day of Syawal, she was admitted to the hospital. We beraya at the hospital. She was weakened and in her slept, and i saw her pain.
holidays ended, i went back to Yogyakarta.

Holidays in February, i went back to Malaysia. She looked healthy. Alhamdulillah. she regained her weight, and her hair grew again. I bought her a scarf from Yogyakarta.
She was really glad that she put it on rightaway. It was the first thing i ever bought for her. And, i never knew it would 'the only thing' too. and i never knew that it was the last time i could see her.
it was the last time i hugged her. And she gave her advice and du'a like she always did.
"belajar rajin-rajin, dik. semoga Allah kurniakan rezeki yang melimpah-limpah".
and she handed some money like ahe always did, saying
"ini buat beli jajan (snacks)."

i was back in Yogyakarta when one day in April, i saw Ibu's status saying that she was gone. i was sure someone sms-ed me but, my handphone was broken at that time.
everyone went back to kampung. except me.

i wasn't there when she had her last breath.
i wasn't there when she was dikafankan and tahlil recited for her.
i wasn't one of the last faces that she saw.

at that time, i knew, i could not hug her anymore. Al-fatihah for my grandma.

getting fixed.

Assalamualaikum,
oh my...what a bad blogger i am. the last post i wrote was like months ago.
err...no laaa..takda masa, busy kot <----in denial. muahaha!


btw, lots of things happened around me, seriously.
like LOTS!
but then, it is impossible for me to jog all of them down here because 'literally' i have only 10 mins to finish this post.


You know, being a medical student is scary.  You learn about what's normal and what are abnormalities that could possibly happen to your own body and that's exactly where things become creepier.
When you find something strange on the surface of your body, you might be freaking out and will get it fixed ASAP. You will be making phone calls, calling seniors, ask this and that. But. hey the seniors will tell you 'Rilekla, ni urticaria je nih...in few hours nanti hilang. no worries la' *urticaria=hives, or more commonly known as gegata.


Okay, the point here is, i'd like to relate it with 'tak kenal maka tak cinta'. you see, when i used to be not knowing deeper about my body, i was like tak kisah sangat with whatsoever happened with it. ignorance maybe the perfect word. but when i knew more and more about my body plus the functions, i was like okayyy... i have to make sure try as hard as i can to make it at optimal level of function..in simple words: 

kenal dan cinta badan anda selalu, ok!

apakah?

 p/s: saya nak jadi doctor yang hot, bleh? :P