Firstly, alhamdulillah, exam's over and OSCE's result is out. Whatever the result is; always remember
"Saya taktaulah ni nikmat or ujian, tapi saya bersangka baik sahaja kepada Allah" :)
Btw, had my first part of lembu untuk qurban this year. Alhamdulillah, umur dah almost 21 baru nak qurban. Dulu saya ingat bapak2 or mak2 je yang selalunya qurban. Tapi, hikmahnya saya duduk kat bumi Yogyakarta ni, dapatlah membiasakan diri dengan qurban pada usia2 yang actually tak berapa nak muda ni. Anda bila lagi? Jom pakat ramai2 kumpul duit untuk qurban next year! :)
And then, I don't know why suddenly tetiba kegalauan melanda this week. I dont really know how to define GALAU. I think it's like 'tidak keruan' or 'tak tau nak buat ape walaupun banyak benda kene buat' or 'rasa susah hati sebab rase mcm kene kawen sekarang, tapi takda calon'..(okay itu contoh ya! contoh!) or apa-apa jenis keserabutan kat otak, mengikut situasi masing-masing. hoho
Saya galau tawuuuu! galau!
Saya pun galau jugakkkk! nak nangis! T.T
Jadi dalam kes saya, mungkin saya akan mengambil definisi GALAU yang bermaksud 'tidak keruan'. Saya taktaulah ape kena dengan saya. Makan banyak, tidur banyak, malas banyak. Mungkin ade kecacatan kat Mutabaah Amal saya kot and saya perlu muhasabah diri bebanyak kot. bukan kot, memang perlu pun!
Sejak kebelakangan ni bumi jogja ni panas bebeno. Lagi panas daripada time musim kemarau dulu. Bahangnya ya Allah..berminyak-minyak muka bila bangun tidur. Malam semalam pun sama, dahlah panas, galau pulak tuh. Atas katil ade baju2 yang fresh dari ampaian and of courselah nak kene lipat. Tapi dengan kegalauan yang melanda, saya rasa mcm takde mood nak buat ape-ape. Nak tidur, dah banyak tidur. Sah! Ini budak memang galau!
At last, saya buka la lappy. Buka windows media player. Ingat nak cari lagu-lagu yang slow. Lagu-lagu yang saya rasa bila saya dengar bolehlah menenangkan hati yang galau. Tapi tengah pilih-pilih tu ternampak list bacaan quran. Terdetik hati nak pasang Al-Mulk kemudian surah-surah yang seterusnya. Subhanallah, alhamdulillah, kegalauan tadi *chennnggg chengggg!* bertukar menjadi satu ketenangan. Rasa bersemangat nak buat keje semua. Teringat dalam Quran, Allah cakap dalam surah Ar-Rad : 28;
Okay today I feel like talking about some miscellaneous things.
Been busy since I came back from Eid holiday. Palliative care conference, MSK (though i dun really know what my role actually is), Sambutan Hari Raya (this one is a big one) and taraaa.."WEEK 5"! And I was like, "whaaaat? exam is in 2 weeks je lagi!" T_T
Lost my passport back in Malaysia. Also, lost my permit and stuffs. Really, much thanks to the burglars (desperately want to kick you in the face..oops). Still, until today, my KITAS (a temporary stay permit) has not been settled yet. You know, it has been 9 times I went to the immigration office. Next visit would be the 10th!
Woke up in one morning, only to be acknowledged that "Many people say susah if kahwin dengan doktor. Nanti jarang balik rumah. Kemas rumah, masak nanti husband yang kena buat". Broken-hearted. Sabar ye wahai para doktor!
Made my first short film "Ini Kisah Aku" for the Hari Raya event. Well, basically the message is seriously a big reminder for me. I guess I was kind of away from the track. I spend most of my time with this and that. But this heart really hopes that Allah may accept them as ibadah. Amiinn. Btw, do watch it here; Ini Kisah Aku . It is about a journey of a Rp2000 (sama dgn 80sen cmtuh) Semoga bermanfaat. :)
Got a bad news. Most part of me says it's not true. But I don't know. Ya Allah, semoga semuanya baik-baik sahaja.
Being mad at someone but I feel bad about it at the same time.
Rindu rumah. Tetibe. My parents had just moved into a new house in JB. Can't wait to see my room! Seriously dekat dengan Danga Bay. Bolehlah turun Singapore pasni. Hee!
Research oh researchhhh! *pening*
It's time for me to, you know increase my speed in this track. When I was asked to handle that particular thing, I was like.."Ya Allah, layak ke aku?" I'm afraid that I am not good enough at DF-ing people. But, got some words from a friend "Give it a try. Usaha je. Allah yang ketuk hati tu..tapi dalam masa yang sama kena tambah ilmu and amal tu" Thanks love! Semoga semuanya dipermudahkan. Amin.
Read my friends' blogs talking bout Jatuh Cinta yang pertama dengan Allah. Hmm. Rase macam kena tembak sekejap. Jom sama-sama cari saat2 tu balik. T_T
Should be married on my birthday this year coz the date would be "211112". Awesome kan? Kikiki..:P
Today, I'm an almost-21-year-old girl. Lots of stories I've known on my way to reach this stage of my life. I was a bookworm back in my primary school. I enjoy reading stories about life, investigations..not that lovey-dovey-Alaf 21-novels. But, my interest in reading storybooks faded when I entered secondary school. I guess, that was just because there were textbooks needed more attention. Apart of reading, I got to know more stories by watching movies, news, gossiping, listen to the radio, went to talks and etc.
Those stories I heard, they're variable. From a happy-colourful story to a grey-sorrow-sad-sad story..and there were stories that I wish they would never occurred to me. The stories that don't need me to be a part of the characters. And for these stories, I wish I just could be a reader or a watcher that would learn something from them.
But Allah has His own plans for me. When Allah says 'kun fayakun', so be it. And..taraaaa, I guess I've became the main character in one of the stories. I'm pretty sure there must be something that He wants me to learn from what I'm confronting right now. Perhaps people around me would say "Poor she" or "Pity her" or whatever. Thanks for the sympathies but what made me stronger is the fact that our life in this dunya is short. too short if compared to the Hereafter. Seriously, what made me strong is my faith to Allah and His promises. He's the best listener ever. Allah sebaik-baik tempat bergantung. And, someday this story would come to an end. Either it's a happy ending or sad ending, I don't know. But all that I hope, I would settle down peacefully in the Afterlife phase, insya-Allah..amiinnn..
Semalam, saya ber-bualatan gembira dengan mereka yang special. Ahaks.
Jadinya, share punya share..bincang punya bincang tiba-tiba Mama Usrah kitorang pun bagi satu soalan.
Apa malapetaka korang?
Yes, apa malapetaka yang pernah korang alami? Mama Usrah pointed at each of us. Blank.
Tapi, kitorang blank bukanlah sebab kitorang tak pernah tak mengalami sesuatu yang buruk. No. Of course lah pernah. But, we don't know what was the worst incident that we had, that could be something yang boleh dilabel as 'malapetaka'.
Someone came up with the idea "saya rasa remed (repeat) anatomy exam kot malapetaka"
and the other "inhall microbiology kot. sebab kene halau keluar kelas"
and my opinion "dapat result exam teruk kot?"
Haha. memang nampak sangat lah kita semua ni memang exam-oriented punya people. ni memang student hardcore habis kan.
Palestinians, Syrians would be totally LOL-ing at us (laughing out loud). And they would say;
"Derrr, result kau teruk sikit jer pun. Tu pun boleh remed kooot. Ade tak dia menjejaskan nyawa kau? Keselamatan kau? Takde kann.."
Ehhh..point saya terlari sekejap. Apa yang saya nak highlight kat sini is; isn't it too obvious yang kita, students nih dah didoktrin dengan exam, exam dan exam..
Since when eh?..since umur kita around 7 tahun kan. So, when it comes to exam, kite sanggup duduk dalam bilik tuh berjam-jam..tak makan, tak minum, tak pergi toilet, tak tidur etc etc. Betapa besarnya impact exam tuh kat kita kan. Kan? Kan?
Tapi sebenarnya, kita semua tengah mengalami malapetaka tawuu sekarang nih. Indeed it's a big one. Have you seen the world around us. The world is now ruled without justice, Muslims been killed sesuka hati, maksiat everywhere, babies dibuang mati, and paling penting sekali is benda yang haram dibolehkan malah diperlukan. (eg: card credit is known as a system yang ade unsur-riba riba obviously. but somehow, saya rasa ramai orang guna card nih skrg. Indeed, in some business, card credit diperlukan gitu.)
Betapa dunia kita sekarang dah macam menyerupai zaman jahiliyah dulu kan. Sila check ya ciri-ciri zaman jahiliyah yang dulu. And buatlah comparison dengan apa yang berlaku sekarang. Insya-Allah, akan nampak persamaan di situ.
and "oh, itulah malapetaka saya yang sekarang" *baru sedar*. kikiki
for most of words i wrote above, about how a student think; it is 100% about me. Betapa hidup saya dah dicorakkan dengan something yang sekular. hoho~
Well, we all do know what word comes after the 'as' in the title up there. it is ABC.
Recently, I lost a grandmother, whom I would always dearly addressed her as Maktok. It was a great shock for me, because I was on the phone with her within a month before she was gone and she sounded okay. I mean okay; as healthy as always. She may have some problems with her knee a.k.a arthritis. But , it was just that. And the last time I've checked, arthritis wouldn't cause mortality, except if you fall due to arthritis. So, that night, she was gone due to breathing difficulty.
That call I got at 7am, really really shocked me. But since then, I've tried to get myself busy, by avoiding staying alone in my bedroom, if not..my tear glands would be stimulated. But still, whenever I went to bed, I would always have her in mind. It's like I'm flashing back all the memories I had with her. I could see how she would greet me with hugs and kisses whenever I went back to kampung. I could feel how I would hold her arms when she was having difficulty in walking. And, I would miss to experience that all over again.
Some people may have the thought 'she's only your grandmother, not your mother or father' so why bother grieving too long?. I'm sorry that those people may not have a good relationship with their grandparents,but the relationship i had with my Maktok is special. I would call her whenever I have problems or some hot stories to be told, she knew my crushes and stuffs. Or maybe asking for recipes. And, I also planned to stay with her during the upcoming holidays. Can you imagine how close we were?
And then one day, I had a talk with my friend, who had experienced a loss in her life too. I would not tell details of our conversations because it was a long one but she told me in the Quran, it is stated that our time of death has been decided by Allah, and it would not be any faster or later than that. It made me think that how healthy a person is, the death is not any further from that person. People don't need a sign to be gone.
So do you..and me.
Alhamdulillah, after the talk, I am abled to be calm again. Maybe I've heard what I wanted to hear, not what I have/need to hear. Merci mon amie. Till death do us apart.
p/s: and how does my title relates with my situation?
to deal with the death of the loved ones, it is not as easy as ABC..
Alhamdulillah, done with the block exam, done with the third semester. it's been approximately one and a half year since my first breath in Yogyakarta. wooww, i didn't realise that time could fly that FAST. it feels like i've just got here yesterday. (okay, itu tipu)
So, I had my exam on last Thursday, in the morning. It was errr NO FUN at all. so after that, I decided to lullaby myself at my regular salon, lemme just name it as Salon A.
Worker 1: Mbak Nabilah, kok datangnya sendiri? Mau bikin apa hari ini?
Saya: Iya, temannya semuanya baru pulang dari shopping. Hari ini saya mau bikin ....... Bisa ga?
Worker 1: ohh..bisa kok!
It took about 4 hours to finish my business there. As I was well-informed that the process would take a long time, I brought along my novels "Al-Quran Braille Buat Nadia" and also "Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang" to you know, avoid boredom.
Along the 4 hours, we had our conversations, talking about random things, Siti Nurhaliza, Manohara, Malaysian students..bla bla bla..lots of thing. And when there's nothing to talk about, maybe because there is still a little amount of awkward, i read the magazine and then my novel "Al-Quran Braille buat Nadia".
Suddenly, one of the worker came and sit in front of me asking me about the novel i read. I explained and then offered her my other novel. As the title "Jalan Cinta Para Pejuang". She suddenly asked me about Cinta aka Love and here goes the conversation:
Dia : Mbak Nabilah, sebenarnya cinta itu wujud ga?
Saya : Maksud mbak? wujud gimana itu? *weird face*
Dia : Maksudnya cinta itu wujud ga dalam Al-Quran?
Saya : Ohhh..hmmmph, kalu bagi Mbak, cinta itu maksudnya apa?
Dia : Cinta itu bagi saya pertemuan antara dua insan gitu. (what she meant is couple)
Saya : ohh..okay..ermm..kalau begitu, gimana pula cinta kepada ibu bapa? atau mungkin cinta kepada Allah? Wujud ga?
Dia : Thinking face..ohhh..iya kannn
I explained to her about love although I knew only a little about it. Cinta itu wujud, love does exist, even in Al-Quran Allah stated about how mankind would love their family, property, keduniaan more than Allah and his Messenger. And that's how a life of a man is ruined which is when the love is not poured into the right path.
And then she asked; how about the love between a man and a woman? In Islam, does it exist?
Yes it DOES exist. Allah has created us to have desire (nafs), in a way that we could attract to something, including the attraction between man and woman. But at the same time Allah give us intelligence (akal) to control our desire. So, love between a man and woman does exist, but it's our decision to make it haram or halal. And, the halal way, of course by nikah.
And she asked again, why is it haram to berpacaran (couple)?
I smiled and asked her, mbak tau ga zina hati? She nodded and said "zina hati tu kaya kalau kita teringat2 sama pacar kita ya?" I added "iya, itulah antara perkara yang membuatkan cinta itu haram. tambahan pula, kalau pacar2 kan mau pegang-pegang, itu pun haram kan. Mending nikah aja mbak..hehe".
And then, she smiled and said "oh, iya gitu ya. Baru aku ngerti"
and the conversation didn't stop there;
Dia : kalau begitu, mbaknya, kapan mau nikah?
Saya : Errr..
This week was really a hectic week. Lots of reports to be done, lots of tiny-circular cells to be drawn ( okay, I am talking about Pathology Anatomy ), two discussion to be made; acute appendicitis + leukemia, workplans, tests and quiz. And most of them were to be submitted on the same day. Well done, i was a robot on last Tuesday, added with some unstable emotions.
So, last night I went out with the girls from my Bulatan Gembira, Faramie and Linda, took a little time to get this head some rest form keep blending the assignments whatsoever. Well, actually this hangout was planned since last block, but we were too busy that we could only have it yesterday.
What I could say about the hang out, Alhamdulillah, it was AWESOME or maybe OSEM! Seriously, I've never had an outing like what i had yesterday. it not just an outing. it was more than that.
okay, lemme tell you what did we do during the hang out.
It was approximately at 5pm when we (Linda and me) left house went to Falah to fetch Faramie as her Lemonade ( her scooter got name..hoho) was sick. Then we straightly go to Amplaz, arrived there at about 30-40 minutes later. So, the plan was, we would buy presents for each other and give them during the makan-makan. So we splitted up, making our own directions to buy presents. So, i went to my favourite spot, which is Carrefour, to be specific at the area of plates and cups. but, naah..none of them caught my eyes. but what was actually caught my eyes is Linda! Oh my. kantoi habiss..uwaaa! we looked at each other, laughing out loud..
me: kak linda, nape kak linda kat sini? uwaa..kantoi laa.
Linda : abel!
Out of many shops, it was so funny that we were in Carrefour, and was at the same area and at the SAME TIME! Then we splitted again. I got some cute gifts for them, Hello Kitty keychains and adorable feathered pens. At about 6.15, we met. It was only me that already had presents for them. but Faramie and Linda came with empty hands. They were so blank, don't know what to buy within a short time. So, we went to perform our Maghrib prayer.
After that, the searching game started again, so I took a walk to add on a few things for them. Again, I went to Carrefour, with the intention to go to the same area just now. there, I saw a familiar headscarf, okay..it was Linda AGAIN! *buat-buat tak nampak*
I went to the different area, area of towels and what made me excited was, I could write name on the towels for a reasonable price. so, i bought three face towels, ask the workers to write our names on the towel. ( it wasn't written actually, it was like sulam. here it is called bordir)
Then, as we promised, we met at Solaria. Faramie was already there, reciting Quran. Then, after Linda arrived, we start our makan2. While waiting for the food to come, we recite surah Az-Zumar 39 : 6-10. Then, did some tadabbur, sharings, qardhoya (curahan hati). The food came. After we ate, we started to change presents. I got a nice heat-proof glass baking dish from Linda and a multipurpose fexible Rose from Faramie. Jazakumullah Khair sisters! *i hope they like my gifts too*
Then at about 9am we went back home. Happy!
the rose from Faramie
the dish form Linda
The towel from Me.
oh please, I want to do it more!
Disunahkan seorang muslim memberikan hadiah kepada saudaranya, berdasarkan hadis bahawa Rasulullah saw bersabda:
Kalian harus saling memberi hadiah, maka kalian akan saling mencintai. (HR. Bukhari).