Saturday, July 23, 2011

food for a soul


It's a beautiful Saturday. It was too beautiful that I overslept. I woke up at 7.04 am. Ashamed and shocked.
But I have reason for that. I was preparing the salad for our breakfast at 12 am/1 am so that we'll be eating the salad sejuk-sejuk on the next morning. That night, I was alone in our small kitchen, with scratching sound at the ceiling and that made me like having a recurrent heart attack. If cicak yang scratch-scratch, I don't really mind. but if it was, you know..the creature with bau-bau bacang dengan hamster but with long tail and usually grayish black in colour. Oh, my. I could cry.

So, I woke up. it was 7.04am! What I got in my mind is "hey, you kena amek gambar untuk MATTA weyhhh" and MATTA will be started at 7.30am. Oh, my! I rushed. Took bath in a rush, but completely, had breakfast (the salad), called taxi. and yadaaa at around 8 we left our Raudhah (our home)

MATTA stands for Majlis Tahfiz and Tilawah Al-Quran. But this really genius girl didn't bring her tafsir. and as been told early, there will be ceramah about Al-Quran, she once again acted like a genius by not bringing her notebook. Super genius and yup, it was me. So, I was like okay, have I really prepared myself for the ilmu? have I?

So, I listened and tried to concentrate. First, it started with Quran reciting by a tahfiz, a husband of my senior. *jealous with the newlyweds*. And then, the ceramah began. It was about Al-Quran.The main importance of Al-Quran to us. To every human. As recited in Quran,

Al-Baqarah: 2
This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear Allah;

And, I was touched when the ustaz told us about 4 types of human confronting Al-Quran
1. Human that the light from Quran is blocked by anger
2. Human that the light from Quran is blocked by desire duniawi
3. Human that the light from Quran is neither blocked by anger nor desire.
4. Human that the light from Quran diffuse into his/her heart.

I was really touched with the 4th one which is the best one. The ustaz gave us an example. An icon. Allahyarhamah Ustazah Yoyoh. A mother with 13 children. A teacher in a few places. An a'bid that recited Quran about 3 juzu' per day. And, on 21st May, she had her last breath with the last kalimah "Laa ilaha illallah..". Not only that, 2 days before she was gone, she SMSed a few of her friends. a long one. The content is, she was doubtful with her position in the Hereafter. She compared herself with Khadijah, Aisyah', Ummu Sulaim, Asma' Abu Bakar. Those were the among greatest Sahabiahs of Rasulullah. She felt very tiny compared to them. But, subhanallah, she met her ajal with the holy words. The 'kesaksian' Laa ilaha illallah.." and during reciting Quran.

I compared myself with her. I haven't recited Quran as much as her. I haven't been to anywhere to give ilmu to other people. I haven't had enough ilmu too. I haven't had enough amal for the counting day. And what if it's the time for malaikat maut to take my live, have I well-prepared?

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

homemade cappucino avec whipped cream

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. Assalamualaikum:)
presenting you.....*drum rolls!*

i look at her picture and i cry.


she was sick. i was cancer, stage 4. 
radiotherapy, done. chemotherapy, done.
she was in pain like the other people who is in the middle of chemotherapy.
she lost her appetite, made her lost some weight.
she lost her hair, made her head bald. she couldn't walk as her leg was in pain. the cancer had spread all over her body.

she was taken care by my aunt all the time. only when she was taken by Ayah to be treated traditionally in Selangor, i took care of her for about 4 days.
she liked to tell story, about Ayah's childhood. About her sadness. 4 days later she went back to my aunt's home.

I went to Yogyakarta in August and when it was Raya holidays in September, i went back to Malaysia.
She was thin or maybe skinny. 1st day of Syawal, she was admitted to the hospital. We beraya at the hospital. She was weakened and in her slept, and i saw her pain.
holidays ended, i went back to Yogyakarta.

Holidays in February, i went back to Malaysia. She looked healthy. Alhamdulillah. she regained her weight, and her hair grew again. I bought her a scarf from Yogyakarta.
She was really glad that she put it on rightaway. It was the first thing i ever bought for her. And, i never knew it would 'the only thing' too. and i never knew that it was the last time i could see her.
it was the last time i hugged her. And she gave her advice and du'a like she always did.
"belajar rajin-rajin, dik. semoga Allah kurniakan rezeki yang melimpah-limpah".
and she handed some money like ahe always did, saying
"ini buat beli jajan (snacks)."

i was back in Yogyakarta when one day in April, i saw Ibu's status saying that she was gone. i was sure someone sms-ed me but, my handphone was broken at that time.
everyone went back to kampung. except me.

i wasn't there when she had her last breath.
i wasn't there when she was dikafankan and tahlil recited for her.
i wasn't one of the last faces that she saw.

at that time, i knew, i could not hug her anymore. Al-fatihah for my grandma.

getting fixed.

oh my...what a bad blogger i am. the last post i wrote was like months ago. laaa..takda masa, busy kot <----in denial. muahaha!

btw, lots of things happened around me, seriously.
like LOTS!
but then, it is impossible for me to jog all of them down here because 'literally' i have only 10 mins to finish this post.

You know, being a medical student is scary.  You learn about what's normal and what are abnormalities that could possibly happen to your own body and that's exactly where things become creepier.
When you find something strange on the surface of your body, you might be freaking out and will get it fixed ASAP. You will be making phone calls, calling seniors, ask this and that. But. hey the seniors will tell you 'Rilekla, ni urticaria je few hours nanti hilang. no worries la' *urticaria=hives, or more commonly known as gegata.

Okay, the point here is, i'd like to relate it with 'tak kenal maka tak cinta'. you see, when i used to be not knowing deeper about my body, i was like tak kisah sangat with whatsoever happened with it. ignorance maybe the perfect word. but when i knew more and more about my body plus the functions, i was like okayyy... i have to make sure try as hard as i can to make it at optimal level of simple words: 

kenal dan cinta badan anda selalu, ok!

 p/s: saya nak jadi doctor yang hot, bleh? :P