Tuesday, January 21, 2014


Assalamualaikum wbt.
So, kaifa haluki? kaifa haluka? Hope everyone's doing great. Physically, mentally and most importantly spiritually great.

And I hope I am too.

It's 2014 already and I feel old. Life is much more miserable now. And I think I should consider myself as a grown up now. Though, I wish I would be a 6-year-old again, busy with my fake cooking set or busy brushing my Barbie's hair or do anything without having to think about the consequences. Oh, life as a kid was much more easier and much more fun.

But it's okay dear Me, Myself and I, because Allah will always be there for us. For every breath we have since we were little babies until the end of our life is all by Allah's permission. And Allah will always be by our sides, for all the difficulties, problems and challenges. For everything.
What's left is 'ourselves'. Do we really depend on Him? Hmm.

First of all, I seriously don't want to write this post as an intro for my-2014-life. But something happened and  I know not everyone could accept it. And I know, we people tend to speculate rather than seek for the truth. So, before I heard speculations about this particular thing, I think now it's the best time to come out with some explanations.

Oh ya you may say I'm writing all these stuffs just to defend myself. I don't mind because it's up to you to have that kind of thought. Just, please be a little bit thoughful tho. Widen your capabilities to think or maybe you may wanna try to put yourself in my shoes?

But I'm writing this for I've heard a story where Rasulullah explained to the sahabats that the lady that he walked with at one dark night was Safiyyah, one of his wives.

Diceritakankan oleh Shafiyah;
“Suatu malam, Nabi beriĆ­tikaf di masjid, lalu aku datang mengunjungi Beliau. Setelah selesai mengobrol, aku berdiri dan hendak pulang. Beliau pun berdiri untuk mengantarku. Tiba-tiba dua laki-laki Anshar lewat. Tatkala mereka melihat Nabi, mereka mempercepat langkah mereka. “Perlambatlah langkah kalian! Sesungguhnya ini adalah Shafiyah binti Huyai,’kata Nabi. “Maha suci Allah, wahai Rasulullah, kata mereka. Beliau mengatakan, ‘Sesungguhnya setan itu berjalan pada aliran darah manusia. Sebenarnya aku khawatir, kalau-kalau setan membisikkan tuduhan dusta atau hal yang tidak baik dalam hati kalian.”

(HR. Al-Bukhari).

This hadits explained about how Rasulullah explained to the sahabats that he was walking with Safiyyah so that the sahabats will not make any speculation. *because as human we tend to speculate and because the devils are 24-hours working very hard.*

Erghh, i don't know where to begin.

Dear people,
If you saw anything or found anything improper (which by hook or by crook, you will), please bear in mind that when I got back home on that day and truthfully until now..I kept questioning myself.."What have I done?" "Am I out of my mind?" "Astaghfirullahalazim, did I just did that?" All of these questions filled up my mind and I even make du'a so that, the files would get infected by virus.

We were all rushing at that moment, and I was terribly tired and when my name was called, I went there and posed as directed by them and did as what they say. Actually, at first I was standing alone but when they asked me to go there and there, suddenly I'm stuck in the middle. And they already started to snap. "1,2,3 okay..next". It happened quickly and I'm too slow to realize that I shouldn't do this...I don't blame them because they don't know. But the blame is on me as I didn't defend myself which actually I believe I could.

*May Allah forgive me*

I don't want to add anything. *bajet artis* but I hope you understand and if anyone asks, please make them understand too.