Saturday, June 30, 2012

it's not as easy as...

assalamulaikum wbt

Well, we all do know what word comes after the 'as' in the title up there. it is ABC.

Recently, I lost a grandmother, whom I would always dearly addressed her as Maktok. It was a great shock for me, because I was on the phone with her within a month before she was gone and she sounded okay. I mean okay; as healthy as always. She may have some problems with her knee a.k.a arthritis. But , it was just that. And the last time I've checked, arthritis wouldn't cause mortality, except if you fall due to arthritis. So, that night, she was gone due to breathing difficulty.

That call I got at 7am, really really shocked me. But since then, I've tried to get myself busy, by avoiding staying alone in my bedroom, if tear glands would be stimulated. But still, whenever I went to bed, I would always have her in mind. It's like I'm flashing back all the memories I had with her. I could see how she would greet me with hugs and kisses whenever I went back to kampung. I could feel how I would hold her arms when she was having difficulty in walking. And, I would miss to experience that all over again.

Some people may have the thought 'she's only your grandmother, not your mother or father' so why bother grieving too long?. I'm sorry that those people may not have a good relationship with their grandparents,but the relationship i had with my Maktok is special. I would call her whenever I have problems or some hot stories to be told, she knew my crushes and stuffs. Or maybe asking for recipes. And, I also planned to stay with her during the upcoming holidays. Can you imagine how close we were?

And then one day, I had a talk with my friend, who had experienced a loss in her life too. I would not tell details of our conversations because it was a long one but she told me in the Quran, it is stated that our time of death has been  decided by Allah, and it would not be any faster or later than that. It made me think that how healthy a person is, the death is not any further from that person. People don't need a sign to be gone.

So do you..and me.

Alhamdulillah, after the talk, I am abled to be calm again. Maybe I've heard what I wanted to hear, not what I have/need to hear. Merci mon amie. Till death do us apart.

p/s: and how does my title relates with my situation?

to deal with the death of the loved ones, it is not as easy as ABC..