uncomfortable and distracted.

assalamualaikum.


morning people. it's Sunday and i love-hate it.
although Sunday is like a big holiday for the week but then, it's the sign that Monday's coming.
it means that block 1.3 is gonna start real soon. *haihhhh*


So, here i am, being a bit enthusiastic of updating my blog. thanks to baby, who kept saying "you, bile nak update blog?" teeeheeee:D


so, what's up with the title up there?
Okay, yesterday i went to the volleyball practice. not really a practice because it seemed like we were playing just for fun. volleyball, for this moment is my passion other than swimming. volleyball is what i really want to get involved seriously and i'm looking forward to join the volleyball team for Bandung Games again next year. i wish i could. amin:)
but then, there's something or specifically someone that made me uncomfortable and distracted when we were playing volleyball. i wasn't thought that this person would come and play along. although, this person always did join us in the previous practice, but i don't want this person to be there. oh, seriously, i hate it. i hate the situation so much that i feel like calling taxi at the moment i saw this person arrived. i hate it so much that i really wanted to get out of the court asap. but that's gonna be really obvious right? bad idea!


Actually, i don't really hate this person. no, not at all. (as mentioned above, i only hate the situation) it's just that seeing and facing this person made me guilty. like i'm the convicted one. i don't know why, but i think i have treated this person badly and of course i feel bad about it. maybe this person would not feel anything about what happened but i can't. i just can't get it out of my mind. i hate it when i did something bad at people and i have to face that people again. i feel like i owe an apology. but should I say sorry?  err...
well, there will be another practice on every Saturday. seriously i want to come and play, but thinking of i'm gonna face this person again really made me thinking of quitting..quitting volleyball? should i quit?

but hell no! this is my passion, and this is what i want. so, i will never let this person kill it. maybe i just have to find a way on how to deal with it. concentrate, girl!

some things are worth the risk.

assalamualaikum.


hey, hey..i just came back from watching TRON: Legacy..


well, you know what, i have never knew the existence of any tron-ic cartoon, tron-ic previous movie etc etc..suppose, this is the first time i watch a TRON-ic movie.. (sounds a bit lame huh? who cares)
overall, the movie wasn't that ummmph! because the  story line was too simple. and i think it was pretty slow. but the graphic was like WOOOW! so nice if watch it 3D. btw, there's a quote from that movie that i'm kind of liking it, and if i'm not mistaken i heard it like this;


"some things are worth the risk"
(kevin flynn said to sam flynn)


I don't know why, but this line makes me think that do we know what things are really worth the risk? and what if the things that we thought would worth it, but apparently they're not? aren't we going to be sorry for that? aren't we going to wish upon the stars so that we can turn back the times?
i guess, there are always risks in everything we do like uhhh;


1)EATING-the risk of getting food-poisoning.
2)FALLING IN LOVE- the risk of getting a heartbroken.
3)TAKING MED.-the risk of couldn't get along with it.
4)TRUSTING-the risk of being betrayed.
5)MAKING DECISION-the risk of making wrong choice.


generally, the are bunches of people out there (maybe i'm included) that would not dare to do some things because they don't want to take the risks. but, on a second thought, we don't always know what would happen if we don't do it. I mean, as it is termed as RISK; which it might or might not happen, at some time it would be a big loss if we don't try it. "belum cuba belum tahu" rite? instead of the risks that we afraid of, better things can happen too. for example, based on the previous example;


1)EATING-the food is really tasty+save to eat.
2)FALLING IN LOVE-the person might be our "teman sehidup semati"
3)TAKING MED.-we could be the best doctor and contribute a lot to people.
4)TRUSTING-might find the one who we can always rely on, ask for help.
5)MAKING DECISION-the choice we've made is the correct one.


see? whatever it is, life is not always as shine and bright as a sunny day. sometimes it rains. but then, Allah gives us rainbow after the rain. always believe that whatever happens, there must be the hikmah (goodness) that we could feel it directly or indirectly.:D


"YA ALLAH, KURNIAKANLAH APA YANG TERBAIK BUAT KAMI. AMIN"

19?

assalamualaikum.
just wanna shout out loud;

alhamdulillah,

I'm 19 and 3 days:)

I LOVED YOU TOO.

assalamualaikum.
Okayy, the title is like euww..gross!
but then that's the reality. it is OBVIOUSLY a lie if a person never had at least a single feeling for the other. 
even gay pun ade perasaan sesama lelaki, ookaayyy.


me? i did. a lot. but seriously, im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm lagi la yg tak best.
especially when i talk about it with the opposite gender. erghh..I DON'T KNOW WHY.
tapi kalau setakat crush main2 tu, takde hal lah kalu nak cakap2 ngan kawan.


before posting this post, i was like; okay nak post ke taknak..nak post ke taknak..malu kot! at last saya post jugak.


so, i think this is the first time i'm revealing about a person calleeeeddd MISTER BARBIE.:)
why? sebab dulu2 dia kasi saya CD BARBIE laaa.


he's not handsome, not tall; even shorter than me, not lanky, not wearing specs, not the type that capture girls' attentions, not involve in any sport, not too nice, sarcastic, suke cari gaduh and so on.
he doesn't have the characteristics of my MR RIGHT should have. but then, that's love. you fall in love with someone accidentally. and you just don't know why. what matter is, you and that person can get along. happy same2. can talk bout things non-stop. and, out of many guys out there, i accidentally fell for him. and, fortunately, he did too.


but things went wrong when he started to express his feeling. like i said 'im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm2 lagi la yg tak best."


so, that's why when he said 'I LOVE YOU'..i was sooo shocked, embarassed, and don't know what to do. and, i replied 'I HATE YOU'..what the..i didn't know from which part of my brain that gave this stupid answer.
not only that, i did talk bad things about him, calling him with names, but the reality is, i didn't mean any of them. (don't judge me please. i was not matured enough at that moment)


those were the reasons that our relationship stopped. since then, we have stopped talking to each other. he even changed his email and phone number without telling me, okay.
a few years after that, thanks to FRIENDSTER which was kind of connecting us back. he gave his new email and we started to chat like we do, only that less frequent than we used to be.


it was 4 years after the 'I LOVE YOU' part. and that particular part was re-played.
he said for the second time. 'I LOVE YOU'..and guess what..i screwed it up again as i said "ahahhaahaha".
and, after that i was thinking, what do you feel if you are serious in something, but people making joke at it?


after that, we accidentally met in some kind of reunion.  i never thought that he would run away as he saw me.
but i tried to approach him nicely, as friend. at first, it worked. but it did not last long as now, he is kind of ignoring me. i was like..okay, we've known each other since i was in standard 5, but we have nothing. even friendship. that's pathetic, isn't it?


but now, i've put things behind us. my feeling for him has vanished.For me, that was the past, history. now, we're confronting the present. so, what i want is for us to be friends again.
btw, he's in a relationship now, and  i don't know why, it's kind of making me jealous.


dear mister barbie, 
i know it is too late now. i just want you to know that;
I LOVED YOU TOO since i was 14 till 18 years old!:D

early life in Jogja.

assalamualaikum:)

Okay, i've been very busy last week that i didn't have time to post anything bout my new place which is Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogyakarta. Btw, my entry this time will be a bit different because i'm going to write in bahasa melayu+english+indonesia. bahasa rojak, bleh kan? :)

Tanggal 15.8, kami di tiba di Jogja, dua hari yang pertama, kami bebas melakukan aktiviti masing-masing plus kami dibawa untuk shopping barang2 keperluan kami di hostel. kat Carrefour je, kitorang dah spend about Rp500000. perghhh! macam mahal gle je kan. tapi kalau bahagi ngan 2775(anggaran), lebih kurang je kalau belanja kat Malaysia.

So, hostel kami..waahhh, bagus sekali. I like! 1 tempat shower and 1 toilet kat dalam bilik. bestla. bilik agak besar, share 2 orang je. ada katil, almari baju besar 2, meja belajar 2. selesa banget. cuma toilet die takde tempat flush. why? Gua pun gak tau. tapi memang agak common kalau pergi kat kost (bilik sewa), toilet die memang camtuh. senang cakap flush secara manual la.

last week, kami ade orientasi a.k.a OSPEK. kami dibahagikan kepada 55 kelompok (group). and saya dapat kelompok 36:). dalam kelompok tu semua Indonesian kecuali saya. jadi dari kelompok inilah saya dapat teman dari Indonesia. Alhamdulillah, mereka semua baik2 banget. sangat caring dan memahami. and lucu juga. they taught me Indonesian language and a bit Javanese. And, kalau saya kurang ngerti apa yang mereka ngomong, mereka akan try translate sampai saya faham walaupun kadang2 tu saya cakap je saya faham, tapi sebenarnya tak faham pun. kesian kat dorang lho.:(

During the orientation week, aduhhh, capek banget. tiap2 hari saya balik malam. berbuka kat luar.balik bilik je, mandi and solat isya' then terus tidur. nak terawih pun tak larat. pastu esok pukul 6 dah kene naik bas pergi ke FK (Fakultas kedokteran). OSPEK ni lain sket dari sistem orientasi kat Malaysia. kalau kat Malaysia banyak aktiviti2 yang outdoor kan. jalan sana-sinila. tapi OSPEK, banyak gile ceramah. siap tidur2 lagi time ceramah tuh. and ade homework untuk kelompok pula tuh. Sebab nilah ktorang sume balik bilik malam. nasib baik, ada teman Indonesia yang punya motorcycle. saya dihantarin ke hostel menaiki motorcycle. oh ya, dengan memakai rok (skirt) panjang pula tuh.

tapi sekarang OSPEK sudah habis. tapi untuk pelajar Malaysia, weekend ni kitorang ade sort of orientasi ngan senior2 Malaysia. and kali ni, maybe banyak aktiviti lasak kot. adeh, dahla bulan puasa. errr.


food? makanan kat sini kering la. kalau makan nasi kat Malaysia kan, esti ade kuah segala bagai, tapi kat sini..mostly kering je...tak berkuah pun. tapi makanan sedapla jugak. masih banyak yang mahu di-explore!

Apa-apa hal pun, next week, kuliah dah start dah. rasa macam cuak pula. Harap2 sumenya berjalan ngan lancar, insya-Allah. Amin. every 7 weeks, kitorang akan ade exam deh. 

rajin-rajin belajar ye nabilah!

setakat ni, JOGJA BESTLA. cuma kene hati2 nak makan, or jalan2 sebab banyak penyeluk saku a.k.a pencopet. harap semuanya akan baik2 sahaja buat kami di sini.:)


p/s: pix ade tapi malas nak letak. fb je la..heeeeee:D

dear liar.

assalamualaikum.

Being almost 19 years old has taught me a lot in life. And i'm pretty sure I'll learn a lot in the future as 'the older you get, the more you will learn'. But at this point of life, I've learned soooo many things that I could barely differ things between the good ones and the bad ones. And of course LYING TO MY FACE wasn't a thing that should be grouped into the good ones.

Dear liar,
I love you when I don't know that you're lying about something to make me pleased,
but I hate you when you're busted with all your big lies.
tipu sunat is okay when it's about something that is no big deal.
tapi kalau nak tipu untuk cover all the trashy things you've done, but the reality is I knew, it really hurts me.
so, stop it lah. stop hurting people okay.
Right now, I'm still holding my patient, keeping my mouth shut. But who knows when will I reach my boiling point, screaming out what I've kept for long time, revealing all your lies one by one right to your face!
If you think you are happy doing this now, believe me, life is not as easy as you think as there is karma.
One day, you will be ashamed of being a big liar and at that time you are going to lose what you have owned since long time ago.

hammy-hammy

assalamualaikum.

it's 2.05 a.m..but i still can't sleep. why? because, i just got back from Alor Setar and i was asleep for almost the whole 5 hours journey. hebat tak? haha. so, at this moment, i feel so energetic and that's why i am writing this post. by the way, there's nothing much to say about  Kedah because i went there not for vacation but to visit my sister's spouse's family which just moved from Langkawi to Alor Setar.

Back from Kedah, the first thing i've done was checking my hammy-hammy's. what's a hammy-hammy? Later, i'll tell you. okay. Alhamdulillah, they are all still ALIVE. then i counted them. one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and TEN only? one hammy-hammy is missing! ok, cuak! i called Ayah, Ibu and my second sister whether they took the 11th hammy-hammy. but, negative. they didn't. 

okay, we (me + my eldest sister) searched around the house for the hammy-hammy. but we didn't find it. we were wondering; maybe it was eaten by the cat. might be. or maybe it was still in our house and hiding itself from us for no reason. this freaked us out as we always sleep in the hall, on the floor (covered by toto). and if it is still out there, there's a possibility for it to bite us during we were sleeping. doesn't that sound scaarrryyy? auwww! my sister play it safe as she decided too sleep on the sofa. tak aci betul! and i'm gonna sleep on the floor. tak mungkin hammy-hammy datang. *positive thinking*

tapi saya tak megantuk lagi. while i was busy reading people's blog, i saw something black moving at the bottom part of my toto. i thought it was a cockroach, a big one. for the second thought, it might be the lost hammy-hammy. i switched on the light, and i saw the lost hammy-hammy. oh, there you are naughty hammy-hammy. maybe it misses me a lot that it would like to sleep with me tonight. ahahah. but then the little creature was sent to its home sweet home. fuhhhh, nasib baik saya tak tidur lagi, kalau tak mesti penyek hammy-hammy tu nanti.

hamster a.k.a hammy-hammy

hammy-hammy sounds cute, rite? :P