19?

assalamualaikum.
just wanna shout out loud;

alhamdulillah,

I'm 19 and 3 days:)

I LOVED YOU TOO.

assalamualaikum.
Okayy, the title is like euww..gross!
but then that's the reality. it is OBVIOUSLY a lie if a person never had at least a single feeling for the other. 
even gay pun ade perasaan sesama lelaki, ookaayyy.


me? i did. a lot. but seriously, im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm lagi la yg tak best.
especially when i talk about it with the opposite gender. erghh..I DON'T KNOW WHY.
tapi kalau setakat crush main2 tu, takde hal lah kalu nak cakap2 ngan kawan.


before posting this post, i was like; okay nak post ke taknak..nak post ke taknak..malu kot! at last saya post jugak.


so, i think this is the first time i'm revealing about a person calleeeeddd MISTER BARBIE.:)
why? sebab dulu2 dia kasi saya CD BARBIE laaa.


he's not handsome, not tall; even shorter than me, not lanky, not wearing specs, not the type that capture girls' attentions, not involve in any sport, not too nice, sarcastic, suke cari gaduh and so on.
he doesn't have the characteristics of my MR RIGHT should have. but then, that's love. you fall in love with someone accidentally. and you just don't know why. what matter is, you and that person can get along. happy same2. can talk bout things non-stop. and, out of many guys out there, i accidentally fell for him. and, fortunately, he did too.


but things went wrong when he started to express his feeling. like i said 'im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm2 lagi la yg tak best."


so, that's why when he said 'I LOVE YOU'..i was sooo shocked, embarassed, and don't know what to do. and, i replied 'I HATE YOU'..what the..i didn't know from which part of my brain that gave this stupid answer.
not only that, i did talk bad things about him, calling him with names, but the reality is, i didn't mean any of them. (don't judge me please. i was not matured enough at that moment)


those were the reasons that our relationship stopped. since then, we have stopped talking to each other. he even changed his email and phone number without telling me, okay.
a few years after that, thanks to FRIENDSTER which was kind of connecting us back. he gave his new email and we started to chat like we do, only that less frequent than we used to be.


it was 4 years after the 'I LOVE YOU' part. and that particular part was re-played.
he said for the second time. 'I LOVE YOU'..and guess what..i screwed it up again as i said "ahahhaahaha".
and, after that i was thinking, what do you feel if you are serious in something, but people making joke at it?


after that, we accidentally met in some kind of reunion.  i never thought that he would run away as he saw me.
but i tried to approach him nicely, as friend. at first, it worked. but it did not last long as now, he is kind of ignoring me. i was like..okay, we've known each other since i was in standard 5, but we have nothing. even friendship. that's pathetic, isn't it?


but now, i've put things behind us. my feeling for him has vanished.For me, that was the past, history. now, we're confronting the present. so, what i want is for us to be friends again.
btw, he's in a relationship now, and  i don't know why, it's kind of making me jealous.


dear mister barbie, 
i know it is too late now. i just want you to know that;
I LOVED YOU TOO since i was 14 till 18 years old!:D