I LOVED YOU TOO.

assalamualaikum.
Okayy, the title is like euww..gross!
but then that's the reality. it is OBVIOUSLY a lie if a person never had at least a single feeling for the other. 
even gay pun ade perasaan sesama lelaki, ookaayyy.


me? i did. a lot. but seriously, im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm lagi la yg tak best.
especially when i talk about it with the opposite gender. erghh..I DON'T KNOW WHY.
tapi kalau setakat crush main2 tu, takde hal lah kalu nak cakap2 ngan kawan.


before posting this post, i was like; okay nak post ke taknak..nak post ke taknak..malu kot! at last saya post jugak.


so, i think this is the first time i'm revealing about a person calleeeeddd MISTER BARBIE.:)
why? sebab dulu2 dia kasi saya CD BARBIE laaa.


he's not handsome, not tall; even shorter than me, not lanky, not wearing specs, not the type that capture girls' attentions, not involve in any sport, not too nice, sarcastic, suke cari gaduh and so on.
he doesn't have the characteristics of my MR RIGHT should have. but then, that's love. you fall in love with someone accidentally. and you just don't know why. what matter is, you and that person can get along. happy same2. can talk bout things non-stop. and, out of many guys out there, i accidentally fell for him. and, fortunately, he did too.


but things went wrong when he started to express his feeling. like i said 'im the type of person that when it comes to heart and feelings, i become like malu gile tibe2, cuak over nothing, geli, meremang bulu roma and mcm2 lagi la yg tak best."


so, that's why when he said 'I LOVE YOU'..i was sooo shocked, embarassed, and don't know what to do. and, i replied 'I HATE YOU'..what the..i didn't know from which part of my brain that gave this stupid answer.
not only that, i did talk bad things about him, calling him with names, but the reality is, i didn't mean any of them. (don't judge me please. i was not matured enough at that moment)


those were the reasons that our relationship stopped. since then, we have stopped talking to each other. he even changed his email and phone number without telling me, okay.
a few years after that, thanks to FRIENDSTER which was kind of connecting us back. he gave his new email and we started to chat like we do, only that less frequent than we used to be.


it was 4 years after the 'I LOVE YOU' part. and that particular part was re-played.
he said for the second time. 'I LOVE YOU'..and guess what..i screwed it up again as i said "ahahhaahaha".
and, after that i was thinking, what do you feel if you are serious in something, but people making joke at it?


after that, we accidentally met in some kind of reunion.  i never thought that he would run away as he saw me.
but i tried to approach him nicely, as friend. at first, it worked. but it did not last long as now, he is kind of ignoring me. i was like..okay, we've known each other since i was in standard 5, but we have nothing. even friendship. that's pathetic, isn't it?


but now, i've put things behind us. my feeling for him has vanished.For me, that was the past, history. now, we're confronting the present. so, what i want is for us to be friends again.
btw, he's in a relationship now, and  i don't know why, it's kind of making me jealous.


dear mister barbie, 
i know it is too late now. i just want you to know that;
I LOVED YOU TOO since i was 14 till 18 years old!:D

early life in Jogja.

assalamualaikum:)

Okay, i've been very busy last week that i didn't have time to post anything bout my new place which is Universitas Gadjah Mada, Yogyakarta. Btw, my entry this time will be a bit different because i'm going to write in bahasa melayu+english+indonesia. bahasa rojak, bleh kan? :)

Tanggal 15.8, kami di tiba di Jogja, dua hari yang pertama, kami bebas melakukan aktiviti masing-masing plus kami dibawa untuk shopping barang2 keperluan kami di hostel. kat Carrefour je, kitorang dah spend about Rp500000. perghhh! macam mahal gle je kan. tapi kalau bahagi ngan 2775(anggaran), lebih kurang je kalau belanja kat Malaysia.

So, hostel kami..waahhh, bagus sekali. I like! 1 tempat shower and 1 toilet kat dalam bilik. bestla. bilik agak besar, share 2 orang je. ada katil, almari baju besar 2, meja belajar 2. selesa banget. cuma toilet die takde tempat flush. why? Gua pun gak tau. tapi memang agak common kalau pergi kat kost (bilik sewa), toilet die memang camtuh. senang cakap flush secara manual la.

last week, kami ade orientasi a.k.a OSPEK. kami dibahagikan kepada 55 kelompok (group). and saya dapat kelompok 36:). dalam kelompok tu semua Indonesian kecuali saya. jadi dari kelompok inilah saya dapat teman dari Indonesia. Alhamdulillah, mereka semua baik2 banget. sangat caring dan memahami. and lucu juga. they taught me Indonesian language and a bit Javanese. And, kalau saya kurang ngerti apa yang mereka ngomong, mereka akan try translate sampai saya faham walaupun kadang2 tu saya cakap je saya faham, tapi sebenarnya tak faham pun. kesian kat dorang lho.:(

During the orientation week, aduhhh, capek banget. tiap2 hari saya balik malam. berbuka kat luar.balik bilik je, mandi and solat isya' then terus tidur. nak terawih pun tak larat. pastu esok pukul 6 dah kene naik bas pergi ke FK (Fakultas kedokteran). OSPEK ni lain sket dari sistem orientasi kat Malaysia. kalau kat Malaysia banyak aktiviti2 yang outdoor kan. jalan sana-sinila. tapi OSPEK, banyak gile ceramah. siap tidur2 lagi time ceramah tuh. and ade homework untuk kelompok pula tuh. Sebab nilah ktorang sume balik bilik malam. nasib baik, ada teman Indonesia yang punya motorcycle. saya dihantarin ke hostel menaiki motorcycle. oh ya, dengan memakai rok (skirt) panjang pula tuh.

tapi sekarang OSPEK sudah habis. tapi untuk pelajar Malaysia, weekend ni kitorang ade sort of orientasi ngan senior2 Malaysia. and kali ni, maybe banyak aktiviti lasak kot. adeh, dahla bulan puasa. errr.


food? makanan kat sini kering la. kalau makan nasi kat Malaysia kan, esti ade kuah segala bagai, tapi kat sini..mostly kering je...tak berkuah pun. tapi makanan sedapla jugak. masih banyak yang mahu di-explore!

Apa-apa hal pun, next week, kuliah dah start dah. rasa macam cuak pula. Harap2 sumenya berjalan ngan lancar, insya-Allah. Amin. every 7 weeks, kitorang akan ade exam deh. 

rajin-rajin belajar ye nabilah!

setakat ni, JOGJA BESTLA. cuma kene hati2 nak makan, or jalan2 sebab banyak penyeluk saku a.k.a pencopet. harap semuanya akan baik2 sahaja buat kami di sini.:)


p/s: pix ade tapi malas nak letak. fb je la..heeeeee:D

dear liar.

assalamualaikum.

Being almost 19 years old has taught me a lot in life. And i'm pretty sure I'll learn a lot in the future as 'the older you get, the more you will learn'. But at this point of life, I've learned soooo many things that I could barely differ things between the good ones and the bad ones. And of course LYING TO MY FACE wasn't a thing that should be grouped into the good ones.

Dear liar,
I love you when I don't know that you're lying about something to make me pleased,
but I hate you when you're busted with all your big lies.
tipu sunat is okay when it's about something that is no big deal.
tapi kalau nak tipu untuk cover all the trashy things you've done, but the reality is I knew, it really hurts me.
so, stop it lah. stop hurting people okay.
Right now, I'm still holding my patient, keeping my mouth shut. But who knows when will I reach my boiling point, screaming out what I've kept for long time, revealing all your lies one by one right to your face!
If you think you are happy doing this now, believe me, life is not as easy as you think as there is karma.
One day, you will be ashamed of being a big liar and at that time you are going to lose what you have owned since long time ago.

hammy-hammy

assalamualaikum.

it's 2.05 a.m..but i still can't sleep. why? because, i just got back from Alor Setar and i was asleep for almost the whole 5 hours journey. hebat tak? haha. so, at this moment, i feel so energetic and that's why i am writing this post. by the way, there's nothing much to say about  Kedah because i went there not for vacation but to visit my sister's spouse's family which just moved from Langkawi to Alor Setar.

Back from Kedah, the first thing i've done was checking my hammy-hammy's. what's a hammy-hammy? Later, i'll tell you. okay. Alhamdulillah, they are all still ALIVE. then i counted them. one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and TEN only? one hammy-hammy is missing! ok, cuak! i called Ayah, Ibu and my second sister whether they took the 11th hammy-hammy. but, negative. they didn't. 

okay, we (me + my eldest sister) searched around the house for the hammy-hammy. but we didn't find it. we were wondering; maybe it was eaten by the cat. might be. or maybe it was still in our house and hiding itself from us for no reason. this freaked us out as we always sleep in the hall, on the floor (covered by toto). and if it is still out there, there's a possibility for it to bite us during we were sleeping. doesn't that sound scaarrryyy? auwww! my sister play it safe as she decided too sleep on the sofa. tak aci betul! and i'm gonna sleep on the floor. tak mungkin hammy-hammy datang. *positive thinking*

tapi saya tak megantuk lagi. while i was busy reading people's blog, i saw something black moving at the bottom part of my toto. i thought it was a cockroach, a big one. for the second thought, it might be the lost hammy-hammy. i switched on the light, and i saw the lost hammy-hammy. oh, there you are naughty hammy-hammy. maybe it misses me a lot that it would like to sleep with me tonight. ahahah. but then the little creature was sent to its home sweet home. fuhhhh, nasib baik saya tak tidur lagi, kalau tak mesti penyek hammy-hammy tu nanti.

hamster a.k.a hammy-hammy

hammy-hammy sounds cute, rite? :P

I want to make a dress right now.

assalamualaikum.


*sigh*.
it has been a long time since the last time i touched my mum's sewing machine and i am kind of missing it. seriously! only a few knew that i do have interest in making clothes.
The first dress i had made was for my Barbie doll. i still remember how i cut some old t-shirts and socks and with a needle and a spool of black thread, i managed to come out with some dresses for my dolls. i just realized it NOW that those dresses were terrible. as if the dolls could talk, they would say "OMG, is this a dress or what? I'm not gonna wear it!" but i was 11 back then, so OK la kot dah boleh menjahit. haha. A friend of mine don't even know how to sew the small torn part of her baju kurung. And guess what..she was 18 that time! So, mama's out there, do teach your daughters or even your sons to do simple sewing steps. seriously, they need  them :P


During the holidays, after SPM, i made a dress for myself from my mother's old skirt. Although the needlework wasn't that neat, i'm still proud of it. the first handmade dress for HUMAN! it is mostly black and there is yellow pattern at bottom part of it. a vintage dress, i think. i wore it for a few times and even when I was on trip to Langkawi with Bear. Bear's mum even said the dress is nice and it is still hanging in my room as i write this post. :D


however, my mum's sewing machine got broken when i used it to make the mentioned dress. my bad. no more sewing machine but seriously, i do want to make a dress rite now. mode: sewing.
fabrics, where are you?...here i come! *with scissors in hand*

oouch!

oh, anyone selling cheap second hand sewing machine? buzz me!

so, welcome back.

assalamualaikum..


so, here i am...writing something so that my blog will be active again. i hooppe soo!


Right now, i'm in the middle of not-too-long holiday, as i just ended my A-level course 3 weeks ago and waiting for my result.takut sangat!
At first, I have the thought of getting a part time job, but I don't think anyone would hire me because I only can do the job for a month besides the fact that there will be no transport. sad:(
I did spot a job at one shop selling shoes at Tesco Semenyih and the income is rm700++..I think it's WOW!
i mean,  the job is not that tough and tiring like working at fast food restaurants or cashier at hypermarket. Only dealing with SHOES, which is one of my eye-obsession! I like looking at shoes but buying them? well, let me think about it..errmm..are they worth?  where and when i shall wear them? naaahhh, no needlah. The last time i bought a pair of shoes was...bile ek? err...i don't remember, but of course this year and I used them on the Graduation night.

a pair of black gladiator heels.

As my first mission already failed, so I go to the next plan which is learning cooking! along this holidays, I've learned cooking 'daging masak blackpepper', 'nasi lemak( full set)', mustards in oyster sauce, shrimp paste fried rice (nasi goreng belacan). well. simple2 sudah. next recipe will be chicken curry and bubur durian. i'm thinking of pengat pisang as well cause dah lameeeee tak makan pengat pisang. plus macaroni kot. Oh, wish me luck.

my first trial of nasi lemak; does it look tasty?..:P

But then, there is ONE thing that i'm afraid of, which I believe some other girls would also worry about. WEIGHT!  ohh..tell me how can I can destroy the fact that gaining weight is so muccchhh easier than losing some kg's..Aaaarghh..! The last holidays (after SPM), I put almost 10 kilos in my body. haha.. well done! so here I am, being a kind of fat large-sized woman. way larger than 36"- 26"- 36". totally. ergh, whatever.

i declare a war.

assalamualaikum w.b.t..


just wanna speak out loud;
I DECLARE A WAR AGAINST HER.
who the heck is she?
well, it's not proper to state a name here.
but i just want you to know (if you read this post),
if your promises are meant to be broken, don't make any..okay?
so i'm declaring a war against her and it will be ended only when the safe word is spoken.


p/s: hint for the the safe word. the initial is 'S'.